The Lost one caught up in cobwebs
by inkypinkyanna
Summary: Just Listen. What i'm about to tell you, i havent told anyone else. if you know me, walk away and get on with your life. if you dont, help me learn to live again, please.
1. Chapter 1

_hello! I know, i haven't updated anything, its ridiculous. to be honest, with you reader, i need to you to use your imagination within my fan fictions. they don't make sense at points. my grammar can be appalling. my characters can be completely out of character. its all about exploring the possibilities though, right? see you at the bottom =]_

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Let's bypass the bullshit. Please. Okay, thank you.

My name is Is- Bella. Just Bella. Four years ago I fell deeply in love, fell so far that it was impossible to reach the top of the crevasse, not that I saw it like that I saw the love as a cushion, something to protect me, rather than strangle/smother me.

I'm not longer in love, four years later, my lies have gotten better. I'm not as obvious, I still blush, but my 'lover' thinks it's because I'm embarrassed about his affections in public.  
I don't want to hurt this man, this kind loving man, and I don't want to hurt my family.

The family that has come together and accepted Edward Cullen, after all my fighting for them to love him, to accept and trust him, I sometimes wish that they'd never accepted him, not become accustomed to his presence, had banned him from me. It'd have stopped all this hurt, all these lies I've created for them all.

No, before you wonder, I am not in love with Jacob Black. He is there for me though, even if he doesn't understand my situation.  
you, are the first to know, and I'm only telling you because I wont ever meet you again, I kinda figured I could wing it, and hope you don't know Edward, or my parents. If you do, then please forget all about this, go about your own life. Leave me, wallowing in this self-mockery and loathing.

If you don't know me, can you introduce me to the real world again? Please, I promise it wont take much, just a gentle shove in the right direction, hopefully away from my family, away from Edward, away from anyone I've ever known.

Thank you, for taking the time to read this.

Isabella Swan.  
Age: 22.

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_hello again!_

_tell me what you think,_  
_how the story needs to be structured._

_any cool exciting ideas you think could really add spice into the story?_

_let me know =]_

_thank you!_

_~inkypinkyanna~ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_One year previously to the 1st chapter_

"Bella... Bella?"  
"Bells?"  
"Bella? Isabella?"  
"She doesn't answer to Isabella, you-"

"Bella doesn't want to talk to either of you" I retort rather much in a huff. Edward and Jake have been hovering over/protecting me for the past couple of years just like they're annoyingly hovering outside my bedroom window. I snatch a glimpse at them from my window. Edward is already in the crouch position to grab onto a branch, ever the eager one Jacob is already in the tree.

"Bella" Edward says in his usual dreamy voice. The effect wears off after a while, it starts to become almost sinister, he should go to a mental asylum, institution with a voice like that.

"Bells!" Jake says, his gruff voice giving a better reassurance.

"I don't want to talk to you!" they look from each other, both smirking with pride that I picked them "either of you!"

"I received a letter..." they both say at the same time, I watch as the comic pair glare at each other once more.

"Where are you going?" Jacob says, from his tree position he can see my open suitcase.  
"I'm unpacking"  
"but the letter?"  
"Jacob, we better go." Edward chides  
"Don't tell me what to do idiot" Jacob responds with a child's anger  
"Believe me, your repertoire isn't one I wish to be seen or confused with either by the locals" Edward scorns. I roll my eyes at their attitudes for each other. They don't even have the decency to have the proper respect one should show their "long-term enemy" quoting Jacob, and Edward. The only thing they have ever agreed on.

I close my window on them, and then politely smile at Jake while attaching the latch. Jacob stays in the tree watching me; Edward has also stayed, against his words. I close my curtains, then turn back round to continue packing my suitcase. I pack the usual Forks 'summer' clothes, a few of the winter wears. I then add my California bits. I smile as I pack them, once again. Yesterday I had taken everything out of this suitcase, quickly folded it into an organised pile. Charlie caught me; he had just picked up my night clothes and put them in the suitcase, and smiled.

You already know how we don't communicate; I won't go into the fact that since Edward came along the communication skills between us has practically all but withered away. My talks with my mum have also been in the firing line, I go for at least a month or maybe even two without ringing her now.

After four years of having both of those men out there, in my life. I cant take it anymore. I look at my bed, my suitcase litters it, all my clothes hanging out of it limply, refusing to be packed, tears collect in my eyes, I can hear Charlie coming up the stairs with my screaming baby girl, I let out a sigh, and look at her, as Charlie rounds the top of the stairs, her lovely Edward coloured hair bouncing, her bright screaming red face. Her little feet kick about. These increase as soon as she spots me, the potential for attention apparently very high.

"I'm sorry" Charlie says with a grimace, quickly passing my baby girl over, he literally runs away from my little screamer. I take her, and rock her a bit, I give her my free hand to play with, she lowers her voice from screaming  
"good little girl, don't you cry. Mummy's one day going to take you a flight away. Daddy won't muck us up then; Jakey will be able to get on with his life. So be a good little girl now, and please don't cry." I half-sing to her; the same pathetic song I have sung since she was two days old when she did not screaming unless she was feeding.

Charlie has disappeared back downstairs, Little R has stopped crying, and her little face is slowly going back to her normal colour as it becomes increasingly curious at my own tears which are slowly rolling themselves down my cheeks.  
She lets go of my hand and reaches up to touch my cheek, I see her fascinated frown appear at she tries to touch it. I quietly laugh at her, she's one month old. She has no clue of what's really going on, or does she? I badly hum a catchy tune to her that's stuck in my head, lying her down on my pile of clothes; I pick up bits and bobs packing them away with one hand, while my baby plays with my other hand, stuffing it in her mouth, squeezing my fingers ever so slightly.

"Bells?" Charlie calls up to me, "Jake and Edward are still here" he says with an embarrassment hindered by annoyance; I'm hardly surprised.

"And I still don't want to see them" I reply to my Father loud enough for them to hear, my Dad covers a chuckle with a sigh.

"Sorry. What Bells says, goes" I hear Charlie telling both of them. Jacob says something about his letter, but I don't make any of it out. I'm more focused on my baby. Little R is my nickname for her, Reneesme is her actual name, but Little R fits her beautifully, as do many of her other nicknames, like  
"come on, Ezzy, mum needs a tea" Ness, or Nessie is what Jacob calls her, to be honest Reneesme has a wide range of nicknames, but she seems to take them all in her non-existent stride.  
I pick her up, her face concentrating on something, probably nappy-related issues. I smile at her, as I take her downstairs, I can see Edward and Jacob's cars still sitting outside. One could say their determined. Another could suggest a restraining order the both of them; stalkers.

I fill the kettle, and flick it on, I hear Ezzy whimper, I immediately look straight at her, she then starts a full blown cry once she see's that she has grabbed my attention, I pick her up without any hesitation and take her upstairs. I grab the wipes, another nappy, setting everything out, and then hold my breath. This is definitely something I am looking forward to never having to do again when she is older.

I open the nappy, and look away. How can someone so small produce something so disgusting? Routine thankfully takes over. Her nappy is changed within a minute. I let my breath out, pick my daughter up and give the bathroom a small quick spray to hide the smell a little. Ezzy is much happier, gurgling away to herself, playing with one of my newly washed fingers.  
I take her downstairs, set my tea up, all while cradling her against my hip. Her hands are everywhere, touching my face reaching out for a cupboard, my arms, and the sideboard. Then I settle her on the table, while I hold my tea, she tries to touch it, but I hold the cup out of her small reach.

Charlie comes into the small kitchen and laughs at Ezzy's attempts of reaching the tea.  
"She wants to copy her mummy, don't you Little R?" he picks her up, still smiling. Her attention is now on him, her hands going all over his face, trying to taste everything. He walks into the lounge with her, rocking like a rocking horse to move forward. Then he's doing a weird, horse-style run back into the kitchen, making me laugh while I take a slurp then regret it as it stings my mouth because naturally, I forgot to blow the hot liquid.

Everything is going a little better today. I've only seen Jacob and Edward once. Life can't really be much better can it?  
I finish my tea, and receive my little R again; Charlie and I are engrossed in her, pulling different faces at her, trying to make her smile. At one month, most babies can smile. My little R is finding it a little more difficult than others.

I don't mind that she can't, although for Edward and Jacob's sakes, I want her to smile before we leave, just for them. Not that I know when I'm leaving.

Charlie pulls his amazing funny face which he used to pull to me when I was little, I laugh at him, then pull my own face back at him, Ezzy starts to cry a little, I know this is because she's hungry, I nod at Charlie who pulls one more face at her, then leaves me to sort myself out so she can feed.

I'm making her sound like an angel, and she is. She's just an angel who doesn't sleep all night. Charlie and I both have massive circles under our eyes; Jacob and Edward have circles under their eyes, but not to the same extent.  
The main reason for Edward, Ezzy's father, to not have the same style of gorgeous circles is Esme and Carlisle. They're a bit funny with me coming round with Ezzy, they love her, but they know she's here because they went away for a weekend and Edward and I let curiosity hurriedly get the better of us before Marriage, I suppose to say they're religious and strong traditionalists would be a little bit of an understatement if I am blatantly honest with myself.

Jacob sleeps over at every chance he grabs. Edward see's his daughter every day of the school week, twice a day. He usually drops me off, and then looks after her while I manage sleep for a few hours, until she cries, he sort of freaks out.  
"I never know what she wants Bella. You're so much better at it" is what he usually states, in a dazzling I-know-I'll-totally-get-away-with-this face on.  
For some reason, Little R is much more comfortable with Jacob.  
Mind you, so am I sometimes. I accidentally fell asleep on the couch next to him once, Ezzy started crying, and he actually changed her nappy, and heated up some breast milk that I leave in the fridge. He did the test on his wrist to make sure it was at the right temperature. He looked after her and me for the whole night. Charlie goes to his friends over the weekends, Friday to Monday to get 3 decent night's sleep so he can take over when I physically cannot get up from sheer exhaustion for her during the week.

While she's feeding, I find myself dropping off, which is dangerous at the kitchen table, so I slowly get up, and make my way up the stairs. My eyes drooping, and lie down on my small bed, with my lovely Little R next to me, suckling away. I close my eyes once my head hits the pillow, and I'm away with cloud 9 wondering why I couldn't wait for a baby until marriage, until Edward was ready to have that kind of commitment, until I was in a stable position to support her.

_Hi! Sorry that I haven't updated in ages. I've been caught up writing my own story, it's called Colours. How would you guys feel as a reader to have a book with 1 name mentioned? Your main characters completely nameless? Other than 'best friend', 'boyfriend', 'her' and so on. _

_Tell me what you think! Of that idea and this chapter, if you so wish to. _

_Once again, ever so sorry! I will try to update sooner. I'll plan this out at school with my other fanfics, and try to update them as regularly as possible. Please remember I am doing A-levels though, plus my story which I'm writing at the very least 2,000 words on a night. chapter 3 is already in the making! =]_

_" i look on at the letter with a true misery that rises up from my gut, a young woman, stuck already in engagement?  
I eye up all the women on the plane. I cant see anyone i'd automatically think of as Bella. That sounds really stupid. doesn't it?"_

_Much love_

_~inkypinkyanna~_


	3. Chapter 3

_OH MY GOD! I am so sorry! I seriously had __started this, I quoted it from the last chapter. I'm not going to lie, I haven't even thought of the future of this. My a-levels and reading other fanfictions have been all too consuming! Before you shun me, I bet your doing the exact same thing, aren't you? ;) if there is some of the fourth chapter, I'll quote it at the bottom for you! 3 you guys so much. Sorry again. I'll make more of an attempt, but geography river revision will come first. See you at the bottom!_

Chapter 3- present day

I look on at the letter that's being crinkles between my fingers with a true misery that rises up from my gut, a young woman, stuck already in engagement? _Harsh_ is all my brain is capable of commenting.

I do a quick eye up all the women on the plane. I can't see anyone I'd automatically think of as a Bella. That sounds really stupid, and a little stalker ish, doesn't it? I turn back in my seat, facing the front again, being placed roughly a third down the plane is always nice enough for me, not too cramped, but not right at the front or back, I settle down, attempting to get comfy.

Just as my shoulders start to go numb, the piercing scream of a child starts up, the sound is doing my head in, the kids been alternating between crying, screaming and softly whimpering for most of the flight so far, I turn around too quickly for my shoulders which wake up, while I narrow my eyes in annoyance and pain, trying to locate the harsh scream. I quickly spot a young woman, struggling to be above her teens, crying. I can see her shoulders shaking over a child, she looks so fragile, her lips are moving in what looks like a song, but I can't hear her over the screams of the kid, who looks to be just over a year old.

The child is quite cute, from what I can see of her red face, she's tugging the woman's top, I watch as the woman finally is able to sing a song, or mouths something to the child, and the little girl calms down, sitting on her mum's like she was never screaming in the first place. They are two rows away from me, on the far left. An 2 and a half hour flight at 7am is hard enough as it is, I'd hate to think that the kid will cry again, I look over at the woman, who is leaning over some poor gentleman. Actually, I think the man's holding the baby, helping her look out of the window.

I briefly re-read the letter. It doesn't mention anything about a child. I don't even know what to do with it, I pull out my tray finding it frightening fly out at me, landing on my lap, almost forcing me to re-read this abomination of a letter.

I continue to look over my shoulder at the young woman, until my neck starts to cramp slightly, I can see from here a glistening ring on her wedding finger. That's it, she must be Bella. I have to go over there, and ask. It's only polite, after all, isn't it? What if she actually meant this to go to someone else?

I have a panicky feeling in my stomach; I really have no clue if she really is her. What if she isn't? What if she didn't want a permed natural blonde head with lavender contacts in to find her letter? What if I'm too weird?

You know what?

She wants a stranger. I am a stranger, right? I hope so. I mean, I've never seen her before. I therefore count as a stranger. _You're skilful stalling isn't that stealthful, or sly, nor is it even vaguely sneaky._

I undo my seatbelt, hand hanging tightly onto the letter like it's a lifeline, and I don't like flying either, just for the record.

What will I say to her?

"Hey I found your letter?" sounds a bit too straight forward, doesn't it? What about "its okay, I'm a bit weird with flying too" that'd be too weird if it wasn't her though, wouldn't it?

I've hesitated between betting up, and sitting back down. I know if I don't though, go over, I will regret it forever, or until I forget about this, something tells me that I won't though.

With that in mind, I stride over two rows, and down a little too where she is. I hover, hesitating as my bravado left me when I stood up.

She looks up at me, right at my eyes, or my contacts, and looks away. I can see her little girl now, with her lovely natural green eyes, I'm immediately jealous of this child.

"Erm" I say uncomfortably, I see her look for a steward, or stewardess. They are all thankfully preoccupied at the moment, but I can see the nearest steward point himself towards me, I gulp.

"Isthisyourletter?" I say all too quickly, and thrust the letter out. I see her eyes widen. She doesn't speak, just nods. I feel like a complete idiot. "Here you go, I erm, read it, and, didn't think…"I trail off, let go of the letter and walk to the loos at the back of the plane, the steward has calmed down immensely.

I can already see the queue for the toilets as I approach the back of the plane. I want to die from embarrassment, but at least I give myself the comfort in knowing that I gave her, Bella, her letter back. She knows its all okay. That its all fine. The queue moves forward a little, my foot taps lightly. The people I'm standing adjacent to give me a dirty look. "sorry" I say to them, and stop tapping.

I hear a little cough behind me, it scared me a little, I jumped slightly, but it didn't make me hit the roof or anything of the such.

The cough is repeated, I turn my head slightly, and see Bella behind me, looking apologetic. Turning my body a little, I give her a polite smile, I start turning back but she grabs my arm. We both hesitate. My mouth has glued itself shut, and I can feel my contacts trying to keep up with my darting eyes.

"I'm sorry" Bella quietly tells me, I nod at her, smiling again. Going to turn back "can I talk to you?" I look up at her, hesitating again "about the letter?"  
"erm"  
"please, I just..."

"where abouts are you going in California?" I find myself saying, my speech seems to be disconnected to running thought. What the hell am I saying? I can't look after a mother and child? I'm a back-packer! I come from the UK!

"oh erm-"  
"sorry, forget I said that. I don't even know if I can – I'm a back-packer" I close my eyes, imagining her face falling, instead I hear a strangled cry of excitement. I open my eyes slightly, before opening them completely to double check her reaction.  
"thats perfect!" she all but shouts "I'm Bella"  
"Lola"  
"I am so pleased to meet you! I have a back-pack. Well two, kind of I have one for me, and one for Ezzy" Ezzy? I think she saw the confusion, mixed with English politeness lighten my face "Reneesme" she clarifies. "so, where about are you going?" I give her a small smile. As the line shuffles forwards more, I realise I'm one person away from the loo. I'm glad to say the least, I don't think I can hold on for much longer  
"well, before I say any of that, I'm not a hard-core back-packer. You might have noticed that I'm a bit too much on the clean side" she smiles at me "I don't have a lot of money, so I tend to bunk with people, hope they don't kill me, pay a little rent, grab a temp job, stay for a month, move on. Story of my life. Still interested?" she nods greedily. Life is going to become very interesting back-packing with a woman and a child. "I just want to make this clear, I like talking, so, if I talk to much or enquire into something too deep you've got to let me know. Firstly, am I in any danger Bella by back-packing with you and your kid?"

_this looks so short on here. its 5pgs on Word. how depressing!_

_" She's kind, caring and not controlling. Completely opposite to Edward and Jacob. She moves monthly, so they will never find us."_


End file.
